Embodied Peace
My subconscious uses the imagery of circular forms like eyes, to depict trauma and its gradual progression of healing. In this image, the intensity of the trauma has begun to dissipate, though grief and vulnerability still remain.
Number 71 in my series on healing trauma (from September 2020).
At the beginning of the series the two circular forms were empty, disassociated, and frozen. Now, after years of healing, there's expansion into light filled emptiness. Areas of unresolved void, now radiate light. Emptiness may be experienced as a source of desolate disconnection or profound stillness; or any mixture in between the two extremes. Like a blank page, emptiness is filled by context, perception, and projection. Some people yearn for the blissful side of emptiness. But I find that access to a full range of feeling, is more beneficial than fixating on the positive side of a polarity. Being with suffering may lead to a more palpable experience of peace. Gradually, one becomes able to remain present with deeper layers of fear. The body relaxes and unwinds its defensiveness. An embodied peace emerges that feels grounded and tangible, less ethereal and abstract.
When I was young, I misguidedly thought that enlightenment was an experience of continuous peace and bliss. Eventually, after many years of seeking, I began to sustain some degree of love and bliss. And I realized that that wasn't what I wanted at all! Even though I was not high on drugs, I was using a natural high to escape my life. The bliss was an understandable buffer against pain that I was reluctant to feel.
Choosing to be with subtle layers of discomfort is challenging, but offers unexpected richness. The freedom to be fully human, with all its accompanying vulnerability and inadequacy, has led to greater fulfillment, than chasing after something illustrious. The real gift is to be with what is, in all its honest messiness. Consciously opening to our difficulty is an act of kindness. Ordinary struggles are cushioned by a humble grace. It's a grace that has carried us all along. It resides in each simple gesture of care.
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